Fear of Flying.

I visited the blog page of recent follower Ms.Witherspoon.  I read her blog entry title "To PhD or Not To PhD" and felt a connection to her story.  Her high aspirations for returning to school coupled with the fear of failure mirrored my own story.  I was compelled to write a comment in response.  (Of course, for some  reason, my internet connection is not allowing me to post to her blog page.  I sent her a facebook message instead... I'll try again from a different computer).  Read my comments to Ms. Witherspoon below:

"For some reason, I was not able to post to your blog so I am writing here… We share a few similarities that I wanted to share with you. I loved school (minus the popularity contests and not having a car). I excelled in math and science and participated heavily in after school activities, including JROTC where I became a decorated officer. When it came to college, I initially struggled through some of my classes. Some engineering related and some liberal arts related. While I rebounded from poor grades, I also had trouble finding a balance as an adult. All of those setbacks and obstacles led me to question myself and ultimately become a bit insecure.
I have a strong desire to go back to school for a master’s degree in engineering or business management. I realized that “on the job training” and "real world" engineering is not as much fun as what I learned in school. If I really wanted to make a difference and do something worthwhile I needed to catapult myself into a senior engineering or executive role. Which, of course, requires more training.
I was accepted into engineering program, but after nearly 4 years out of school, I could not catch on to the technical work and did not have the time necessary to devote fully to studying like I used to. I was then accepted into another engineering program, but opted not to go because I was wary of the whether the program was what I was looking for. I began thinking about my long-term goals. I wanted to own and managed an art gallery. I wanted to invest in and maintain real estate. I wanted to be involved with people and be more in control of my career. Through some self-assessment, I decided that a business school would be more ideal for me. But now I’m dragging my feet. I am terribly afraid that I cannot cut it. Engineering can be mentally draining but that is a type of drain that I am used to. I know the lingo, I know the format.... What I do not know I can research and study until the answer is apparent. I’m afraid that the world of business if just too fast for me. I question whether I have the leadership, attention to detail, or initiative for that level of work. I psych myself out because I am truly terrified of failing.
My mother wishes she had her master’s degree, 5 children and a cabinet full of awards for her work as a graphic illustrator, but she tells me constantly that she wishes she’d continued her education. I have no doubt that she will eventually go back when the last of my siblings gets through high school, but some of the benefits of an advance degree will have decreased by then.
With that being said, I am still setting myself up for this potential failure. I have registered for the GMAT, began the application, and started an unpaid internship with a start up business just to give myself some confidence as I move closer to the tremendous goal. I don’t know how I’m paying for school yet, but I am applying for it anyway. I don’t know how I will get there and still maintain my full-time job, but I am applying for it anyway. I just keep thinking, I do not want to be wishing for the same dream 20 years from now when all I had to do was try and keep trying.
I am going to post this on my blog…
Just wanted to share my own story with you and encourage you to get over that fear just like I am attempting to do. You will not be in that small town forever. What great things do you see for yourself in the future? How do you plan to achieve them? Start now."

 
I encourage you all to read her blog post and think about your own dreams and aspirations. What are you doing to make those dreams real?


Be well,
Mickel


"I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him (or her... lol) down..." -Unknown (edits by Mickel)

The Quarterly and OneDegreeFromMe

Here’s a little story about how my bold personality and “gift for gab” led me to the Modern Day Matchmakers Paul Carrick Brunson and Brandon Scott of OneDegreeFromMe and opened up the door for a possible career change.

I was dead set on making 2010 the BEST YEAR EVER {in a completely unnecessary and epic sounding tone} We will fast forward through a great 2010 to a (paraphrased) conversation I was having with a dear friend Mr. Newton.

Me: B, with all these great parties and contacts that you have… I need you out there finding me a man.

Newton: You are funny. Why don’t you check out this guy I know… he puts on these speed dating events for elite singles all around the country. The guy is dope and I hear the events are really good. You should check it out.

Me: I’ve never done speed dating and I’m not that “elite”...

Newton: Naw, don’t give me that… you should really check it out. His last event was in DC and I heard it was crazy. The next one is coming up soon in Baltimore.

Me: If you say so…

Newton: He’s a good dude, young married, happy… he’s smart and he knows what he’s talking about. He used to be an activist or something for education reform. He recognized that he had a knack for matching up his friends. He saw that there was a hole in the market for a Black matchmaker and decided to put some true effort behind this talent. Google his name Paul Brunson and see what comes up.

Me: I’ll look him up. Send me the info about his upcoming event.

After procrastinating for a week or so…. I googled the name “Paul Brunson” and several Paul Carrick Brunson related links popped up, including a few articles, the OneDegreeFromMe website, and a lot of blogs featuring the matchmaker. I read some of his articles about education reform, watched every OneDegreeFromMe video on YouTube, and then decided to register for their upcoming speed dating event in Baltimore. Oh course, because of my procrastination, there were no more female speed dating tickets available. So I settle for a mixer seat and figured I could watch the magic unfold and still mingle with the men if I wanted to...

The night of the Baltimore Quarterly was pretty cool. Some attractive men showed up and of course it was a packed house full of women. I mingled with a group of friends and then introduced myself to organizers of the Quarterly Paul Carrick Brunson and his business partner, fellow matchmaker Brandon Scott. There was a buzz going around the lounge. I could tell that all the guests were anxious to meet and mingle. Admittedly, I grew very restless and dare I say it, bored watching the first few rounds of flow dating. So I got up and began emulating T. French, of http://www.frenchkissez.com/, as she instructed the flow daters on what to do at the end of each round. Because I was dress so fiercely (pat on my own back) and was telling other guests what to do in a flirty, upbeat way, I kind of just assumed a role on the team. It was fun so I just ran with it. At the end of the night I was chatting it up with Brandon and Paul and thanking them for letting me pretend to be a hostess. A couple of days later, I received a call from Brandon asking if I would like to join their team as a logistics manager. He said that he and Paul really liked my initiative and upbeat personality. I was extremely flattered by their offer and accepted without haste. So there I was with a snazzy new title and some new responsibilities to look forward to. I relied on Brandon and T. French for guidance because I’d never helped plan a speed dating event (or any other large scale social event) and the next event was being held in New York City! For the two months, I participated in conference calls, team brainstorming sessions, back-and-forth emails, etc in support of The Quarterly-New York. My major role was to assess the layout of our venue Greenhouse (http://www.greenhouseusa.com/newyork) and plan the flow of the entire evening from registration to let out.

On the day of The Quarterly, I was responsible for supporting the registration manager, providing guidance and instruction to volunteers, maintaining the flow of daters and mixers, coordinate the sponsors and the swag bags, and help get all guests out of the venue by a predetermined timeframe… all while rocking a beautiful orange mini-dress and 4in black suede Mary Janes by Jessica Simpson. Talk about being on my game! The night had its up and downs, but in the words of B. Scott it was a “TRULY EPIC EVENT”. I was exhausted but completely pumped about how well the event had gone! All totaled up, we had over 300 people attend with nearly 150 flow daters. I am told now that we made over 150 matches as a result of The Quarterly and I’m anxious to hear about if any genuine relationships blossom from that number. It was bittersweet driving back to home from New York. The Quarterly was finally over and I received a lot of positive feedback. I sat in my bed on the Monday afterwards and for the first time since forever I felt a sense of purpose. Like I was able to shine at something that felt interesting, dynamic, and fast pace enough to hold my attention and utilize a lot of my natural talents. I pray that this takes off because I would gladly walk away from my current career path as OneDegreeFromMe moves upward.

Check the video @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpyQh93c8A8 

I thought about what I would say if ever interviewed about my work with Paul, Brandon, and the OneDegreeFromMe team… what would I say? Of course me being the dreamer and visionary that I am (again, patting myself on the back, lol), I have prepared a little something just in case:

"Working with Paul Carrick Brunson and Brandon Scott has been amazing! As a member of OneDegreeFromMe, I am excited about the opportunities to plan and organize these epic Quarterly events throughout the US. While The Quarterly offers an opportunity to educate and entertain our guests, our sole purpose is to bring well deserving people together and foster genuine connections. With the mixture of good music, beautiful people and a positive charged atmosphere, love is closer than you think!"

I’m posting a link to the OneDegreeFromMe website, contact info and some other associated links. See below:

• OneDegreeFromMe website: http://onedegreefrom.me/
• Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/OneDegreeFromMe
• Twitter page: http://twitter.com/onedegreefromme
• Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/OneDegreeFromMe

If you’d like to attend an upcoming Quarterly flow dating event, check out http://www.meetup.com/Quarterly/ for the most up-to-date information!

So that’s my spill… Ms. Mickel has turned herself into an event planner and has jumped on an opportunity to be a promoter, planner, swag bag stuffer, social intern, and socialite! Okay, maybe not a socialite, but who knows. I’m having fun and enjoying the new connections being formed. I will pray for continued success for Mr. Brunson, Mr. Scott, and everyone else taking this trip with me.

I hope you all are grinding for your dreams and not sitting idle while the world passes you by…

Be well,

Mickel

“Sacrificing more than most could imagine, for a life that most can only dream of...” – Mr. Newton

Oh No She Didn't!

So I'm a faithful facebook commenter... If the topic is about relationships between black men and black women, I have a tendancy of jumping into a conversation and going hard in facebook comment box.  To be honest a lot of the topics I have posted on this blog are directly from a commenting session initiated on facebook.
So the latest topic originated from the popularity of black women publicly bashing black men on youtube or other mass media.  There is a lady who decided to address the issue by creating her own video that speaks directly to black women.  Check the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFxvirjnfmg&NR=1And
Of course a friend posted the video on his page and asked for opinions.  I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in... You can read the comments and then my take on.

First Comment: "Black men are, or have been, those things. What about all the generations of women who were faithful/loving wives, silently abused, left with a house full ...of children, had to work multiple jobs because her husband was a drunk/addict, took care of his out-of-wedlock children (which meant he was unfaithful), stood beside him while his mistress was throwing their relationship in her face, etc etc etc.WHILE MOST BLACK WOMEN STOOD IN THE BACKGROUND WITHOUT SAYING A WORD."

Second Comment: "What about the music industry that is overpopulated with men disrespecting young black women. So were we supposed to sit back and continually stand behind/beside men who displayed those characteristics? At some point black women were going to speak out about this beyond the hair salons and "girl talks". "

Third Comment: "I truly see these videos as ego boosters fo...r men who may simply be insecure in themselves and what they bring to the table especially if "independent" is seen as negative...what man wouldn't want a woman who can hold down the household should something happen to him, God forbid...or what about someone who doesn't rely on him for the minor things that she can take care of herself...it seems to be a double standard as usual. Men don't want "needy" women but they don't want "independent" ones either...What's the middle ground? "


I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in...

Mickel says:  
No one wants a needy partner but everyone wants to feel needed. No one wants a partner who can do or will do everything by themselves. If that was the case, then you undermined the definition of partnership. The middle ground is partnership and... respect.  I don't view this as an ego boost for men. More like a wake up call for black women (and really anyone) whose complaining... especially if they are complaining about a entire culture of men on a national stage. When you open your mouth and complain about another person and how they did you wrong, you also shed light on what you were willing to accept. "He cheated on me" "He stole from me" "He sexually exploited me" Those are actions that he committed against you. Granted, the man is a jerk and he's emotionally, mentally, physicallly harming you. The next question is what are you doing to stop it and protect yourself. Are staying there with him? Are you raising his other children? Are you still supplying a comfortable little piece of yourself to him? Yes, he's acting like a jerk and trying to walk all over you but that doesn't mean you lie there like doormat.
Historically, we were slaves and our families were torn apart. In later generations, some black men stepped out on their ladies and abandoned their families. Nowadays, some black men act as if they have no home training and no respect.  I think the video is highlighting the way "today's black women" have chosen to respond. Today's Black Women are publicly bashing the entire culture of today's black men based on the bad actions of SOME of these men AND the collective bad behaviors of men in the past. How many of us were dating in the days of slavery? How about the 40s, 50s, and 60s? How are you going judge the level of "do rightness" in a 25-35 year old man based on what somebody's grandfather did 3 decades ago?  Historically, black men couldn't say anything against the worthiness and outstanding actions of black women. They wouldn't have a leg to stand on! Even if a woman did get out of pocket, if she had always held it down then he still wouldn't be able to speak poorly of her. As I said earlier, if you shed light on someone’s bad behavior, you also shed light on yourself.
Last comment, You cannot force an adult woman to get up and exploit herself publicly unless you are literally threatening her life or the life of her family. These adult women (black, white, and everything else) are choosing to these actions. They are choosing to take their clothes off, choosing to be in those videos, and choosing to be viewed and to act that way. They are choosing no good men and then choosing to ride for life (babies and marriage) with these no good men. They are choosing to be the doormat, choosing to go against what they WOULD NORMALLY DO if they were in their right mind. Get some confidence, be accountable, know your worth, and take your power back."


What do you think?

Be well,
Mickel :-)
"Don't be a part of the problem, be a part of the SOLUTION"  -- J. Bytheway

So let me just dive right in...

I've been dragging my feet, contemplating what I was going to write as my first entry for this blog. I wanted to create a refreshing piece of internet literature that would stimulate interest or get a few laughs. I'm worried like.. am I interesting enough to write a blog? I can barely excute a joke in person, how am I going to make someone laugh through these typed words? My typed words!? But I've been doing a little research on my favorite bloggers (http://frenchkissez.wordpress.com/ and http://people-places-things.blogspot.com/) and those ladies just message about whatever comes to mind. I can do that right? I mean, at any given time, I have a million things run through my head... like what I need to do at work, what's going on with my family and friends, my plans for the weekend, groceries, what's for dinner, dating, goals for the future, my hair... the list goes on and on...

So let me just dive right in... I came up with Naturally Eccentric because I wanted my blog to be literal expression of my personality. I take pride in my natural-since-birth-never-been-permed appearance and my simple what-you-see-is-what-you-get mentality.  I'm naturally sensitive, funny, friendly, and all that jazz... Now the Eccentric part speaks to my love of various forms of music/creative media, bold colors, funky jewelry, geeky engineering stuff... I like to shop at local thrift stores, catch an occasional open mic or $4 movie, and recently began taking courses in painting...

Since I'm sitting at work, I will turn my attention back to the files on my desk.  I think this was a decent first entry (high five for dipping my toe into the  blogger pool!)  I am challenging myself to write something, anything, up here at least twice a week.  With time, I may just get the hang of it...

Be well!
Mickel

"I have been continuously digesting the notion of just being myself is good enough. In recent months, that valuable life lesson has brought me a new sense of confidence and peace."