So the latest topic originated from the popularity of black women publicly bashing black men on youtube or other mass media. There is a lady who decided to address the issue by creating her own video that speaks directly to black women. Check the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFxvirjnfmg&NR=1And
Of course a friend posted the video on his page and asked for opinions. I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in... You can read the comments and then my take on.
First Comment: "Black men are, or have been, those things. What about all the generations of women who were faithful/loving wives, silently abused, left with a house full ...of children, had to work multiple jobs because her husband was a drunk/addict, took care of his out-of-wedlock children (which meant he was unfaithful), stood beside him while his mistress was throwing their relationship in her face, etc etc etc.WHILE MOST BLACK WOMEN STOOD IN THE BACKGROUND WITHOUT SAYING A WORD."
Second Comment: "What about the music industry that is overpopulated with men disrespecting young black women. So were we supposed to sit back and continually stand behind/beside men who displayed those characteristics? At some point black women were going to speak out about this beyond the hair salons and "girl talks". "
Third Comment: "I truly see these videos as ego boosters fo...r men who may simply be insecure in themselves and what they bring to the table especially if "independent" is seen as negative...what man wouldn't want a woman who can hold down the household should something happen to him, God forbid...or what about someone who doesn't rely on him for the minor things that she can take care of herself...it seems to be a double standard as usual. Men don't want "needy" women but they don't want "independent" ones either...What's the middle ground? "
I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in...
Mickel says:
No one wants a needy partner but everyone wants to feel needed. No one wants a partner who can do or will do everything by themselves. If that was the case, then you undermined the definition of partnership. The middle ground is partnership and... respect. I don't view this as an ego boost for men. More like a wake up call for black women (and really anyone) whose complaining... especially if they are complaining about a entire culture of men on a national stage. When you open your mouth and complain about another person and how they did you wrong, you also shed light on what you were willing to accept. "He cheated on me" "He stole from me" "He sexually exploited me" Those are actions that he committed against you. Granted, the man is a jerk and he's emotionally, mentally, physicallly harming you. The next question is what are you doing to stop it and protect yourself. Are staying there with him? Are you raising his other children? Are you still supplying a comfortable little piece of yourself to him? Yes, he's acting like a jerk and trying to walk all over you but that doesn't mean you lie there like doormat.
Historically, we were slaves and our families were torn apart. In later generations, some black men stepped out on their ladies and abandoned their families. Nowadays, some black men act as if they have no home training and no respect. I think the video is highlighting the way "today's black women" have chosen to respond. Today's Black Women are publicly bashing the entire culture of today's black men based on the bad actions of SOME of these men AND the collective bad behaviors of men in the past. How many of us were dating in the days of slavery? How about the 40s, 50s, and 60s? How are you going judge the level of "do rightness" in a 25-35 year old man based on what somebody's grandfather did 3 decades ago? Historically, black men couldn't say anything against the worthiness and outstanding actions of black women. They wouldn't have a leg to stand on! Even if a woman did get out of pocket, if she had always held it down then he still wouldn't be able to speak poorly of her. As I said earlier, if you shed light on someone’s bad behavior, you also shed light on yourself.
Last comment, You cannot force an adult woman to get up and exploit herself publicly unless you are literally threatening her life or the life of her family. These adult women (black, white, and everything else) are choosing to these actions. They are choosing to take their clothes off, choosing to be in those videos, and choosing to be viewed and to act that way. They are choosing no good men and then choosing to ride for life (babies and marriage) with these no good men. They are choosing to be the doormat, choosing to go against what they WOULD NORMALLY DO if they were in their right mind. Get some confidence, be accountable, know your worth, and take your power back."
What do you think?
Be well,
Mickel :-)
"Don't be a part of the problem, be a part of the SOLUTION" -- J. Bytheway
I truly agree with you about accountability. No one should be treated abusively or disrespected but you also cannot allow anyone to do these things to you. So, the gist is summed up in your last statement. I will just add that loving one's self more than the desire to be wanted and not be alone will serve as a light to women's steps in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, Teisha! And thank you for those beautiful words. I'm going to quote you on my next post.
ReplyDeleteI think that we as women get comfortable in this notion of playing the victim. He did this and he did that. But we fail to look objectively at our own behaviors and what we may be contributing to the problem. If we had our heads on straight and conducted ourselves with logic and class, we'd be so much further along.