Natural Hair 101: An excerpt from my guidebook

I was inspired to offer a little more encouragement to the courageous women who are aspiring to go natural (Do it, do it, do it!!) I have created a natural hair guide book, "Natural Hair 101: Toolkit,  Fundamentals, and Resources", complete with a listing of essential tools, products, images and greater resources. If you are interested in a full copy of the guidebook, feel free to contact me via e-mail at MickelJustMickel@gmail.com

My Hairstory

I have been natural (no perm) my entire life thanks to the traditions of the women in my family. No perms for the Jackson girls (Thanks Grandmama!) I say that because I have never experienced “The Big Chop” nor do I understand the difference between 4a hair and 3b hair.  I have, however, experienced the teasing and culturally insensitive comments from people not accustomed to seeing a black child wear her hair as god intended her to.  This includes Caucasians and PEOPLE OF COLOR (Black, Asian, Latino, etc).  The women in my family were natural before it was the cool, acceptable, or “black” thing to do.  My sister and I would beg our mother to perm our hair, tears streaming down our little faces, and she refused.  I secretly prayed for “white girl hair” for years (right after praying boobies and my own room).  I just wanted to be able to get wet in the pool or rain like the white kids I saw all around me. I grew up partially in North Dakota, which is not (big surprise) the epicenter of black pride. I did not want to be forced to sit in my mother’s lap for four hours as she carved these intricate braided designs into my tender scalp.  I did not enjoy the fear of 2nd and 3rd degree burns on the back of my ears when my mother mis-calculated the heat of the pressing comb in the three hours (plus) that it took to make my hair conform to a more accepted straight style.  In the 4th grade, I blurted out that I wished I were white so I could have “good hair” and my mother lost it.  Thus begun my education into the importance of maintaining my hair in its natural state, the countless lectures on why I should be thankful that I do not have a perm and why it is important to love and respect my black skin and others that look just like me, and the influx of little black dolls and African American children’s books. Whatever “black and proud” item my mother could find, made it into my bedroom. Remember this was North Dakota pre-internet.  My mother taught me how to wash, condition, braid, cornrow, and press my own hair. Then made me solely responsible for maintaining my sister’s hair after I proved that I could maintain my own.  My mother is the mastermind of my hairstory.  

Naturally Maintained Locs

Natural Curly Afro

A moment in my head space... Dreams

When I was a child I used to have very wild vivid dreams.  Many were so vivid that I remember them to this day.  While driving up I-95 this morning, my mind began recalling one of the most paralyzing dreams from my youth.  I became so emotional that I contemplated pulling over until I could better control my tears.  I can say that I've had this dream about 4 times, while there were variations from dream to dream, it had the same theme, same plot, same characters, and unfortunately the same ending.
The dream focused on my siblings and I.  We were alone, traveling in search of safety, in these strange and dangerous worldly settings. Everything, and I mean everything, in those worlds was trying to get us.  We traveled through thick jungles were the incest flew about trying to capture or impale us, the trees and their poisonous vines ripped at our limps, and the animals stalked our every move waiting for us to be vulnerable... Or we were in a the desert land where monstrous sand storms appear out of no where ripping us away from each other or confusing our paths.... I remember a poisonous river with underwater creatures that would beckon us to drink.  Or wild rapids that would cause the water reach up and rock our makeshift boats to the point that we feared being capsized.... The ending would always be the same.  We would arrive at the base of some volcanic crater... millions of miles wide, millions of miles deep, hot and molten debris brewing around us.  For some reason we had to enter inside and walk across this stone path in order to finally make it to safety.  Each of the other impossible lands, I was responsible for getting my brothers and sister to safety.  We would be badly injured, limping and/or burned, but alive and hopeful.  But always at the end of this dream, just moments from safety, we would come to some impossible to cross section of the stones.  I would realize that for some reason, all of us would not be able to make it out alive.  Either our combined weight would begin to sink the stones into the lava, or I was the only one strong enough to lift the boulder blocking the path... something that indicated that if I continued with my siblings, one or all of them would surely to die.  Sadly, at the end of every dream I would realize this grave truth and with great sorrow and tremendous love, I would bark out orders of survival, kiss and hug them goodbye, and demand that they keep moving and not look back for me.  I would always have to sacrifice myself for them.  I would watch them running away in tears as I awaited my fate thinking that it was my duty to save and protect them.
I'd wake up crying... shaking and sweating.  Despite also being afraid of the dark, I'd brave the dark hallways of my house  to find my mother.  She'd sit up concerned and frantic at the sight of my swollen face and ask me what's wrong.  All I could say was "Mommy I don't want to die" and fall into her bed.  I'd sleep with her until I felt safe again.

So I'm crying as I write this blog... I still get that sinking feeling in my stomach when thinking about that particular dream.  Again, I've had that dream on more than one occasion and that's not even the longest running or scariest of them...

After my mini-break down in the car, I start to think about the meaning of the dream.  The imagery is crazy and defies physics, but there is always a meaning behind your dreams.  I come to the conclusion that these dreams were warning signs to me.  If you were to look back on my childhood, you would see many examples of sacrifices I needed to make so that my siblings would be taken care of... Leading by example, giving up multiple summer for unpaid babysitting.  No extracurricular activities outside of school academic functions, no movie trips, no shopping trips, no name brand clothes or shoes, no eating out, no privacy, no bad grades EVER, no room to myself, because if I didn't share... if I didn't stay home.... if I didn't take small/equal size portions, then my siblings would have suffered.  I was a kid so of course I complained about things being unfair... I didn't like getting only 3 gifts for Christmas but I knew there wasn't a Santa Claus and I knew my parents were headed for splits-ville and I knew my mother really needed me... so eventually I just sucked it up and did what I could to help.

I take the title of BIG SISTER very seriously.  I may argue with my siblings to the point of seeing red.... but I've known for a long time now, that I'd sooner die than to see harm come to them.

Be Well,
Mickel

Fear of Flying.

I visited the blog page of recent follower Ms.Witherspoon.  I read her blog entry title "To PhD or Not To PhD" and felt a connection to her story.  Her high aspirations for returning to school coupled with the fear of failure mirrored my own story.  I was compelled to write a comment in response.  (Of course, for some  reason, my internet connection is not allowing me to post to her blog page.  I sent her a facebook message instead... I'll try again from a different computer).  Read my comments to Ms. Witherspoon below:

"For some reason, I was not able to post to your blog so I am writing here… We share a few similarities that I wanted to share with you. I loved school (minus the popularity contests and not having a car). I excelled in math and science and participated heavily in after school activities, including JROTC where I became a decorated officer. When it came to college, I initially struggled through some of my classes. Some engineering related and some liberal arts related. While I rebounded from poor grades, I also had trouble finding a balance as an adult. All of those setbacks and obstacles led me to question myself and ultimately become a bit insecure.
I have a strong desire to go back to school for a master’s degree in engineering or business management. I realized that “on the job training” and "real world" engineering is not as much fun as what I learned in school. If I really wanted to make a difference and do something worthwhile I needed to catapult myself into a senior engineering or executive role. Which, of course, requires more training.
I was accepted into engineering program, but after nearly 4 years out of school, I could not catch on to the technical work and did not have the time necessary to devote fully to studying like I used to. I was then accepted into another engineering program, but opted not to go because I was wary of the whether the program was what I was looking for. I began thinking about my long-term goals. I wanted to own and managed an art gallery. I wanted to invest in and maintain real estate. I wanted to be involved with people and be more in control of my career. Through some self-assessment, I decided that a business school would be more ideal for me. But now I’m dragging my feet. I am terribly afraid that I cannot cut it. Engineering can be mentally draining but that is a type of drain that I am used to. I know the lingo, I know the format.... What I do not know I can research and study until the answer is apparent. I’m afraid that the world of business if just too fast for me. I question whether I have the leadership, attention to detail, or initiative for that level of work. I psych myself out because I am truly terrified of failing.
My mother wishes she had her master’s degree, 5 children and a cabinet full of awards for her work as a graphic illustrator, but she tells me constantly that she wishes she’d continued her education. I have no doubt that she will eventually go back when the last of my siblings gets through high school, but some of the benefits of an advance degree will have decreased by then.
With that being said, I am still setting myself up for this potential failure. I have registered for the GMAT, began the application, and started an unpaid internship with a start up business just to give myself some confidence as I move closer to the tremendous goal. I don’t know how I’m paying for school yet, but I am applying for it anyway. I don’t know how I will get there and still maintain my full-time job, but I am applying for it anyway. I just keep thinking, I do not want to be wishing for the same dream 20 years from now when all I had to do was try and keep trying.
I am going to post this on my blog…
Just wanted to share my own story with you and encourage you to get over that fear just like I am attempting to do. You will not be in that small town forever. What great things do you see for yourself in the future? How do you plan to achieve them? Start now."

 
I encourage you all to read her blog post and think about your own dreams and aspirations. What are you doing to make those dreams real?


Be well,
Mickel


"I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him (or her... lol) down..." -Unknown (edits by Mickel)

The Quarterly and OneDegreeFromMe

Here’s a little story about how my bold personality and “gift for gab” led me to the Modern Day Matchmakers Paul Carrick Brunson and Brandon Scott of OneDegreeFromMe and opened up the door for a possible career change.

I was dead set on making 2010 the BEST YEAR EVER {in a completely unnecessary and epic sounding tone} We will fast forward through a great 2010 to a (paraphrased) conversation I was having with a dear friend Mr. Newton.

Me: B, with all these great parties and contacts that you have… I need you out there finding me a man.

Newton: You are funny. Why don’t you check out this guy I know… he puts on these speed dating events for elite singles all around the country. The guy is dope and I hear the events are really good. You should check it out.

Me: I’ve never done speed dating and I’m not that “elite”...

Newton: Naw, don’t give me that… you should really check it out. His last event was in DC and I heard it was crazy. The next one is coming up soon in Baltimore.

Me: If you say so…

Newton: He’s a good dude, young married, happy… he’s smart and he knows what he’s talking about. He used to be an activist or something for education reform. He recognized that he had a knack for matching up his friends. He saw that there was a hole in the market for a Black matchmaker and decided to put some true effort behind this talent. Google his name Paul Brunson and see what comes up.

Me: I’ll look him up. Send me the info about his upcoming event.

After procrastinating for a week or so…. I googled the name “Paul Brunson” and several Paul Carrick Brunson related links popped up, including a few articles, the OneDegreeFromMe website, and a lot of blogs featuring the matchmaker. I read some of his articles about education reform, watched every OneDegreeFromMe video on YouTube, and then decided to register for their upcoming speed dating event in Baltimore. Oh course, because of my procrastination, there were no more female speed dating tickets available. So I settle for a mixer seat and figured I could watch the magic unfold and still mingle with the men if I wanted to...

The night of the Baltimore Quarterly was pretty cool. Some attractive men showed up and of course it was a packed house full of women. I mingled with a group of friends and then introduced myself to organizers of the Quarterly Paul Carrick Brunson and his business partner, fellow matchmaker Brandon Scott. There was a buzz going around the lounge. I could tell that all the guests were anxious to meet and mingle. Admittedly, I grew very restless and dare I say it, bored watching the first few rounds of flow dating. So I got up and began emulating T. French, of http://www.frenchkissez.com/, as she instructed the flow daters on what to do at the end of each round. Because I was dress so fiercely (pat on my own back) and was telling other guests what to do in a flirty, upbeat way, I kind of just assumed a role on the team. It was fun so I just ran with it. At the end of the night I was chatting it up with Brandon and Paul and thanking them for letting me pretend to be a hostess. A couple of days later, I received a call from Brandon asking if I would like to join their team as a logistics manager. He said that he and Paul really liked my initiative and upbeat personality. I was extremely flattered by their offer and accepted without haste. So there I was with a snazzy new title and some new responsibilities to look forward to. I relied on Brandon and T. French for guidance because I’d never helped plan a speed dating event (or any other large scale social event) and the next event was being held in New York City! For the two months, I participated in conference calls, team brainstorming sessions, back-and-forth emails, etc in support of The Quarterly-New York. My major role was to assess the layout of our venue Greenhouse (http://www.greenhouseusa.com/newyork) and plan the flow of the entire evening from registration to let out.

On the day of The Quarterly, I was responsible for supporting the registration manager, providing guidance and instruction to volunteers, maintaining the flow of daters and mixers, coordinate the sponsors and the swag bags, and help get all guests out of the venue by a predetermined timeframe… all while rocking a beautiful orange mini-dress and 4in black suede Mary Janes by Jessica Simpson. Talk about being on my game! The night had its up and downs, but in the words of B. Scott it was a “TRULY EPIC EVENT”. I was exhausted but completely pumped about how well the event had gone! All totaled up, we had over 300 people attend with nearly 150 flow daters. I am told now that we made over 150 matches as a result of The Quarterly and I’m anxious to hear about if any genuine relationships blossom from that number. It was bittersweet driving back to home from New York. The Quarterly was finally over and I received a lot of positive feedback. I sat in my bed on the Monday afterwards and for the first time since forever I felt a sense of purpose. Like I was able to shine at something that felt interesting, dynamic, and fast pace enough to hold my attention and utilize a lot of my natural talents. I pray that this takes off because I would gladly walk away from my current career path as OneDegreeFromMe moves upward.

Check the video @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpyQh93c8A8 

I thought about what I would say if ever interviewed about my work with Paul, Brandon, and the OneDegreeFromMe team… what would I say? Of course me being the dreamer and visionary that I am (again, patting myself on the back, lol), I have prepared a little something just in case:

"Working with Paul Carrick Brunson and Brandon Scott has been amazing! As a member of OneDegreeFromMe, I am excited about the opportunities to plan and organize these epic Quarterly events throughout the US. While The Quarterly offers an opportunity to educate and entertain our guests, our sole purpose is to bring well deserving people together and foster genuine connections. With the mixture of good music, beautiful people and a positive charged atmosphere, love is closer than you think!"

I’m posting a link to the OneDegreeFromMe website, contact info and some other associated links. See below:

• OneDegreeFromMe website: http://onedegreefrom.me/
• Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/OneDegreeFromMe
• Twitter page: http://twitter.com/onedegreefromme
• Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/OneDegreeFromMe

If you’d like to attend an upcoming Quarterly flow dating event, check out http://www.meetup.com/Quarterly/ for the most up-to-date information!

So that’s my spill… Ms. Mickel has turned herself into an event planner and has jumped on an opportunity to be a promoter, planner, swag bag stuffer, social intern, and socialite! Okay, maybe not a socialite, but who knows. I’m having fun and enjoying the new connections being formed. I will pray for continued success for Mr. Brunson, Mr. Scott, and everyone else taking this trip with me.

I hope you all are grinding for your dreams and not sitting idle while the world passes you by…

Be well,

Mickel

“Sacrificing more than most could imagine, for a life that most can only dream of...” – Mr. Newton

Happy Veterans Day!

"They use words like HONOR, CODE, LOYALTY. They use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. They have neither the time nor the inclination to explain themselves to men who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that they provide, and then questions the manner in which they provide ...it! They would rather you just said "Thank you," and went on your way..."  --paraphrase of Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan R. Jessep in A Few Good Men

An email from Mr. Yinka George: "I think veterans are the closest things we have to warriors.  They dodge bullets, fly aircrafts, captain ships,...etc for very little money and people demonize them instead of the people that sent them to war. They do the things us civilians can't do, go sometimes years without physically seeing their family.  I just think they are remarkable people :-) "

As I read Mr. George's email, all I was a flash of all the men and women in the Armed Forces dressed up as the cast from 300.  My mind works in weird ways.  Huge and humble thank you to the supreme beings that sacrifice themselves to protect our daily freedom. Happy Veterans Day! {yes, i'm late but shouldn't we be thanking them everyday?}

Be Well,
Mickel  :-)

"As we express our gratutude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them" -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy