Happy New Year... New Year, Same Life, Best Intentions
So, I've been participating on an online dating site for almost a year. That's a big deal for me because I consider myself to be kind of private and I didn't think too highly of virtual dating. I preferred to meet naturally, at a party or through friends, and not by logging into some internet-based potluck... it was weird to me. But after graduating from Tuskegee Univ (insert "Ball and Parlay"), moving back to the East Coast, and attempting to get back into the dating game... I was hit with a series of unfortunate events. I was stood up three times in three months, a long time crush rejected my advances, and one of the worst people I had ever met in my life shared with me that he were getting married and had a kid on the way. That last incident was easily predictable, but still, he was/is an asshole.... Even assholes get happy endings. But I digress.
I decided one evening that in order to get different results, maybe I should try something different. My brother wants me to date outside of my race. I'm still reflecting on that possibility. Instead, I logged onto a popular dating site and set up a cute little profile. It has been almost a year and now I'm ready to rant about a few things. Here goes:
1. Why do men want a pics so badly? Stop asking for pictures. I do not care why you want one or that you did not ask for a "sexual" one. You made a simple request and I gave you a simple answer of NO. Do not press the issue, do not try to guilt trip me, do not explain why I should reconsider, and (here is a big one) do not assume that I had some traumatic incident in my past that made me bitter. You are a stranger... It weirds me out... I do not want to... No... No, thank you... I'm not into that form of communication... Pick the reason that keeps you warm at night and let it go.
2. Please stop lying about your height. Please do not say you are 5'9" when in fact you are 5'3". Be honest. Yes, a lot of women will skip over your profile but that's life. Someone will stop and like what the see and everything that they read. And when that person opts to meet you in real life, they want you to be who you say you are.
3. Not every man is a " cool, laid-back kind of guy"... Who are you really? Explain who you are and try not to be cliche.
4. I have learned that my personal preference as it pertains to physical appearance walks the line of being shallow. Thankfully, my value system keeps it in check.... however, I am not feeling the heavy men, the shorter than 5'8" men, the men who are 15 years+ my senior. If my profile states a certain kind of physical attribute, then I'm certain that that is what I like.
5. Have some respect for yourself and put some clothes on. While the aesthetics are interesting, I frown upon someone so willing to pass pieces of themselves out to anyone with a mousepad. Modesty is an attractive quality in men too!
6. TLDNR (Too Long Did Not Read) is one of my favorite internet slangs... It could be used to describe my own posts on here... If a man sends a super long diary passage as his first message to me, it makes me wonder why he has all this time on his hands.
7. Be patient. There are no guidelines governing internet that say I have to respond to you or respond in a certain time. Be patience and respect the fact that, just like you, I have a life.
8. Men who describe themselves as God-fearing or a man of christ or something along those lines... do not appeal to me.... it is actually a yellow flag for me for some reason. If someone makes it a point to stress their religion and how important it is to them, I usually tell them that we are not compatible.
9. Having a child or children is cool. I respect and adore fatherhood and family. Having a child or multiple children with women you did not intend to marry, red flag. Having a child and not being involved in the day-to-day upbringing of that child, red flag. Guilt tripping women who do not want to date fathers, red flag. AND... asking a woman to give up their own dream of having a large family because you already have a certain number of children, absolutely insane. If you already have another household of children, how can you devote yourself to any hypothetical family we could have?
10. Be appropriately direct and respectful. Ask me on a date if you think there is actual compatibility between us. I am not on this site to make friends, I want to go out on dates with men that suit me. Asking for my number, ok sure... that's fine. Talking on the phone is a natural progression. But I get bored with the niceties too... Say something interesting and honest when you talk to me, share stories and ask questions that clue you into the type of person I am and vice versa... Then if it makes sense ask me out. But be prepared for a let down... maybe I'm not attracted to you or maybe I need more time... in that case, know when to either be patient or kick rocks. Respect yourself while respecting the stranger you've been flirting with for the past week and half.
11. Take me out. Even if it is just a pre-date. Not sure you want to spend a lot of money?? That's fine. Walks in the park are free. Grabbing a tea or coffee is cheap. Sometimes the effort means a lot more than the money. It doesn't even have to be interesting... if we hit it off, save that for the real first date... But if you want to meet me, act like it.
12. You may not be as funny as you think you are... Be mindful that your jokes may be offensive, insensitive, taken seriously, or just not funny.... Remember that you are talking to a complete stranger... What is good for the goose, isn't always good for the gander.
13. If your username or profile has a overtly sexual undertone, don't message me. Instead go to Craigslist and post a classified ad in the "Seeking" section. I'm sure you will get better hits that way.
That's all I have so far but I reserve the right to come back to this rant. Just like in real life, the men from online dating come in waves. Armed with my values, life experiences, and personal preferences, I think I have a decent filtration system in place. I actually cannot complain to much (lmao) because I've actually met some good, attractive men from this site.
Take care & Be good!
Mickel
So, I've been participating on an online dating site for almost a year. That's a big deal for me because I consider myself to be kind of private and I didn't think too highly of virtual dating. I preferred to meet naturally, at a party or through friends, and not by logging into some internet-based potluck... it was weird to me. But after graduating from Tuskegee Univ (insert "Ball and Parlay"), moving back to the East Coast, and attempting to get back into the dating game... I was hit with a series of unfortunate events. I was stood up three times in three months, a long time crush rejected my advances, and one of the worst people I had ever met in my life shared with me that he were getting married and had a kid on the way. That last incident was easily predictable, but still, he was/is an asshole.... Even assholes get happy endings. But I digress.
I decided one evening that in order to get different results, maybe I should try something different. My brother wants me to date outside of my race. I'm still reflecting on that possibility. Instead, I logged onto a popular dating site and set up a cute little profile. It has been almost a year and now I'm ready to rant about a few things. Here goes:
1. Why do men want a pics so badly? Stop asking for pictures. I do not care why you want one or that you did not ask for a "sexual" one. You made a simple request and I gave you a simple answer of NO. Do not press the issue, do not try to guilt trip me, do not explain why I should reconsider, and (here is a big one) do not assume that I had some traumatic incident in my past that made me bitter. You are a stranger... It weirds me out... I do not want to... No... No, thank you... I'm not into that form of communication... Pick the reason that keeps you warm at night and let it go.
2. Please stop lying about your height. Please do not say you are 5'9" when in fact you are 5'3". Be honest. Yes, a lot of women will skip over your profile but that's life. Someone will stop and like what the see and everything that they read. And when that person opts to meet you in real life, they want you to be who you say you are.
3. Not every man is a " cool, laid-back kind of guy"... Who are you really? Explain who you are and try not to be cliche.
4. I have learned that my personal preference as it pertains to physical appearance walks the line of being shallow. Thankfully, my value system keeps it in check.... however, I am not feeling the heavy men, the shorter than 5'8" men, the men who are 15 years+ my senior. If my profile states a certain kind of physical attribute, then I'm certain that that is what I like.
5. Have some respect for yourself and put some clothes on. While the aesthetics are interesting, I frown upon someone so willing to pass pieces of themselves out to anyone with a mousepad. Modesty is an attractive quality in men too!
6. TLDNR (Too Long Did Not Read) is one of my favorite internet slangs... It could be used to describe my own posts on here... If a man sends a super long diary passage as his first message to me, it makes me wonder why he has all this time on his hands.
7. Be patient. There are no guidelines governing internet that say I have to respond to you or respond in a certain time. Be patience and respect the fact that, just like you, I have a life.
8. Men who describe themselves as God-fearing or a man of christ or something along those lines... do not appeal to me.... it is actually a yellow flag for me for some reason. If someone makes it a point to stress their religion and how important it is to them, I usually tell them that we are not compatible.
9. Having a child or children is cool. I respect and adore fatherhood and family. Having a child or multiple children with women you did not intend to marry, red flag. Having a child and not being involved in the day-to-day upbringing of that child, red flag. Guilt tripping women who do not want to date fathers, red flag. AND... asking a woman to give up their own dream of having a large family because you already have a certain number of children, absolutely insane. If you already have another household of children, how can you devote yourself to any hypothetical family we could have?
10. Be appropriately direct and respectful. Ask me on a date if you think there is actual compatibility between us. I am not on this site to make friends, I want to go out on dates with men that suit me. Asking for my number, ok sure... that's fine. Talking on the phone is a natural progression. But I get bored with the niceties too... Say something interesting and honest when you talk to me, share stories and ask questions that clue you into the type of person I am and vice versa... Then if it makes sense ask me out. But be prepared for a let down... maybe I'm not attracted to you or maybe I need more time... in that case, know when to either be patient or kick rocks. Respect yourself while respecting the stranger you've been flirting with for the past week and half.
11. Take me out. Even if it is just a pre-date. Not sure you want to spend a lot of money?? That's fine. Walks in the park are free. Grabbing a tea or coffee is cheap. Sometimes the effort means a lot more than the money. It doesn't even have to be interesting... if we hit it off, save that for the real first date... But if you want to meet me, act like it.
12. You may not be as funny as you think you are... Be mindful that your jokes may be offensive, insensitive, taken seriously, or just not funny.... Remember that you are talking to a complete stranger... What is good for the goose, isn't always good for the gander.
13. If your username or profile has a overtly sexual undertone, don't message me. Instead go to Craigslist and post a classified ad in the "Seeking" section. I'm sure you will get better hits that way.
That's all I have so far but I reserve the right to come back to this rant. Just like in real life, the men from online dating come in waves. Armed with my values, life experiences, and personal preferences, I think I have a decent filtration system in place. I actually cannot complain to much (lmao) because I've actually met some good, attractive men from this site.
Take care & Be good!
Mickel
Agree with your points. Do you highlight your eccentricities in your profile text?
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