It's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to...

This post is probably going to be a rambling of many things.  I have written on here in a while but that just means A LOT of things have been happening in my life.  In no particular order, let me just share...

So.... not to my surprise my employer laid me off this past spring!  I am thankful that I had the foresight to see it coming.  I think I was the only person who recognized the signs of "a reduction in force", knew that they were a candidate, and was elated to be paid to leave (plus transitional support). I could not get out of that office fast enough after signing the paperwork to guarantee my severance pay. I think they thought I was going to put up a fight. I might have actually been pop-locking out of the door! I was smart enough to have paid off all of my debts and have a little bit of a financial reserve.  Thank goodness for my mother's relentless lectures of financial responsibility. I hated my job.  I hated waking up early, just to lie in bed for another hour, trying to encourage myself to start the day. Here is my schedule:

Get up,
drive 40mins,
do nothing of importance,
be slightly discriminated against,
FACEBOOK,
drive 40mins,
arrive safely at home,
start my real life,
go to bed,
REPEAT.

I really hated my job.  I never felt comfortable there.  My boss was never an ally and his boss only did enough to cover her behind when things got "fuzzy".  They didn't care whether you had any training, or whether you knew anything about the products they engineered, just as long as you came to work, didn't ask too many questions, and drove a project to completion by any mean necessary but without spending any money.  Oh well... :-)

Oh quick shout out to all my Spring born babies (March, April, May, and I guess part of June?).  If I ever referred to you as a friend or as family, know that I love you and wish you all the happiness.  One of these birthday havers told me that they don't really celebrate their birthday. If fact, they said "It's no big deal. Everyone has a birthday."  I responded under my breath with "But not everyone gets to celebrate it." Not everyone was fortunate enough to see their birthday this year. Not everyone makes it to 31 or 25 or 16... So know that I love and respect you all.  My heart has so much happiness and sheer joy  that even the non-believer can feel my love! I'm flooding each and everyone's birthday with hope, promise, and laughter... Happy Birthday Sister! Happy Birthday Wesley! Happy Birthday Bennie-Mae! Happy Birthday Lawrence! Happy Birthday Dashawn, Danica, and Idi (the trifecta) and Happy Birthday Mia!  Happy Birthday to you all! Okay... I'll bring it down a notch.

Um... so this is a warning to all good intentioned people.  Don't trust Craigslist.  Specifically don't trust people for Valdosta Ga who post craigslist ads looking for friendship and housing but then decide to become overly aggressive and stop paying their rent.  I intended to help this person get back on their feet, what I got was a maniac with a nicotine addiction.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Get background checks on everybody.  Children too!

So... back to be laid off really quick.  So remember how I said I was laid off this past spring (I did say that, you weren't listening).  Well, I prayed that I would find another opportunity that better fit my aspirations of becoming a better engineer but that also fit with my growing desire for a new lifestyle.  It's funny how you consciously make decision for yourself and build this sturdy little life that you think will make you happy.  You try living that life... that life you built for yourself with your fancy education and your beautiful new house.  You try to find love and happiness within that life, but it's not working.  You look around this comfortable little life you have, surrounded by all your family and friends, and it's just not what you want anymore.  You love your family and friends, you love your little house, your love all the things you love, but this life isn't the life you need.  You crave for something else.  You crave the other sense of yourself that is a bit less practical and a lot more rewarding.  So I prayed constantly for something else to capture me. To take me away from what I know and who I know. And again, not to my surprise, my CREATOR answered my prayer.  Can't say that the worrier in my didn't panic and cry like a baby when I didn't see it unfolding in my life right away... but while I was praying, I was also planning and working on that plan.  The Creator helps those who help themselves, right?  So they laid me off and now, not only do I have a new position, but also an opportunity to go to graduate school for free!  All I had to do was believe that everything would be fine, figure out what I could do to make the situation better, and then leave all the stress behind me.  Go Figure!

I celebrated my one year loc-a-versary on May 14th by completing a Natural Hair Care Guidebook!!! Look for an upcoming blog.


Well, that's my story...

Be Well,

.: Mickel :.

"I worry, therefore I am!"

Fear of Flying.

I visited the blog page of recent follower Ms.Witherspoon.  I read her blog entry title "To PhD or Not To PhD" and felt a connection to her story.  Her high aspirations for returning to school coupled with the fear of failure mirrored my own story.  I was compelled to write a comment in response.  (Of course, for some  reason, my internet connection is not allowing me to post to her blog page.  I sent her a facebook message instead... I'll try again from a different computer).  Read my comments to Ms. Witherspoon below:

"For some reason, I was not able to post to your blog so I am writing here… We share a few similarities that I wanted to share with you. I loved school (minus the popularity contests and not having a car). I excelled in math and science and participated heavily in after school activities, including JROTC where I became a decorated officer. When it came to college, I initially struggled through some of my classes. Some engineering related and some liberal arts related. While I rebounded from poor grades, I also had trouble finding a balance as an adult. All of those setbacks and obstacles led me to question myself and ultimately become a bit insecure.
I have a strong desire to go back to school for a master’s degree in engineering or business management. I realized that “on the job training” and "real world" engineering is not as much fun as what I learned in school. If I really wanted to make a difference and do something worthwhile I needed to catapult myself into a senior engineering or executive role. Which, of course, requires more training.
I was accepted into engineering program, but after nearly 4 years out of school, I could not catch on to the technical work and did not have the time necessary to devote fully to studying like I used to. I was then accepted into another engineering program, but opted not to go because I was wary of the whether the program was what I was looking for. I began thinking about my long-term goals. I wanted to own and managed an art gallery. I wanted to invest in and maintain real estate. I wanted to be involved with people and be more in control of my career. Through some self-assessment, I decided that a business school would be more ideal for me. But now I’m dragging my feet. I am terribly afraid that I cannot cut it. Engineering can be mentally draining but that is a type of drain that I am used to. I know the lingo, I know the format.... What I do not know I can research and study until the answer is apparent. I’m afraid that the world of business if just too fast for me. I question whether I have the leadership, attention to detail, or initiative for that level of work. I psych myself out because I am truly terrified of failing.
My mother wishes she had her master’s degree, 5 children and a cabinet full of awards for her work as a graphic illustrator, but she tells me constantly that she wishes she’d continued her education. I have no doubt that she will eventually go back when the last of my siblings gets through high school, but some of the benefits of an advance degree will have decreased by then.
With that being said, I am still setting myself up for this potential failure. I have registered for the GMAT, began the application, and started an unpaid internship with a start up business just to give myself some confidence as I move closer to the tremendous goal. I don’t know how I’m paying for school yet, but I am applying for it anyway. I don’t know how I will get there and still maintain my full-time job, but I am applying for it anyway. I just keep thinking, I do not want to be wishing for the same dream 20 years from now when all I had to do was try and keep trying.
I am going to post this on my blog…
Just wanted to share my own story with you and encourage you to get over that fear just like I am attempting to do. You will not be in that small town forever. What great things do you see for yourself in the future? How do you plan to achieve them? Start now."

 
I encourage you all to read her blog post and think about your own dreams and aspirations. What are you doing to make those dreams real?


Be well,
Mickel


"I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him (or her... lol) down..." -Unknown (edits by Mickel)

The Quarterly and OneDegreeFromMe

Here’s a little story about how my bold personality and “gift for gab” led me to the Modern Day Matchmakers Paul Carrick Brunson and Brandon Scott of OneDegreeFromMe and opened up the door for a possible career change.

I was dead set on making 2010 the BEST YEAR EVER {in a completely unnecessary and epic sounding tone} We will fast forward through a great 2010 to a (paraphrased) conversation I was having with a dear friend Mr. Newton.

Me: B, with all these great parties and contacts that you have… I need you out there finding me a man.

Newton: You are funny. Why don’t you check out this guy I know… he puts on these speed dating events for elite singles all around the country. The guy is dope and I hear the events are really good. You should check it out.

Me: I’ve never done speed dating and I’m not that “elite”...

Newton: Naw, don’t give me that… you should really check it out. His last event was in DC and I heard it was crazy. The next one is coming up soon in Baltimore.

Me: If you say so…

Newton: He’s a good dude, young married, happy… he’s smart and he knows what he’s talking about. He used to be an activist or something for education reform. He recognized that he had a knack for matching up his friends. He saw that there was a hole in the market for a Black matchmaker and decided to put some true effort behind this talent. Google his name Paul Brunson and see what comes up.

Me: I’ll look him up. Send me the info about his upcoming event.

After procrastinating for a week or so…. I googled the name “Paul Brunson” and several Paul Carrick Brunson related links popped up, including a few articles, the OneDegreeFromMe website, and a lot of blogs featuring the matchmaker. I read some of his articles about education reform, watched every OneDegreeFromMe video on YouTube, and then decided to register for their upcoming speed dating event in Baltimore. Oh course, because of my procrastination, there were no more female speed dating tickets available. So I settle for a mixer seat and figured I could watch the magic unfold and still mingle with the men if I wanted to...

The night of the Baltimore Quarterly was pretty cool. Some attractive men showed up and of course it was a packed house full of women. I mingled with a group of friends and then introduced myself to organizers of the Quarterly Paul Carrick Brunson and his business partner, fellow matchmaker Brandon Scott. There was a buzz going around the lounge. I could tell that all the guests were anxious to meet and mingle. Admittedly, I grew very restless and dare I say it, bored watching the first few rounds of flow dating. So I got up and began emulating T. French, of http://www.frenchkissez.com/, as she instructed the flow daters on what to do at the end of each round. Because I was dress so fiercely (pat on my own back) and was telling other guests what to do in a flirty, upbeat way, I kind of just assumed a role on the team. It was fun so I just ran with it. At the end of the night I was chatting it up with Brandon and Paul and thanking them for letting me pretend to be a hostess. A couple of days later, I received a call from Brandon asking if I would like to join their team as a logistics manager. He said that he and Paul really liked my initiative and upbeat personality. I was extremely flattered by their offer and accepted without haste. So there I was with a snazzy new title and some new responsibilities to look forward to. I relied on Brandon and T. French for guidance because I’d never helped plan a speed dating event (or any other large scale social event) and the next event was being held in New York City! For the two months, I participated in conference calls, team brainstorming sessions, back-and-forth emails, etc in support of The Quarterly-New York. My major role was to assess the layout of our venue Greenhouse (http://www.greenhouseusa.com/newyork) and plan the flow of the entire evening from registration to let out.

On the day of The Quarterly, I was responsible for supporting the registration manager, providing guidance and instruction to volunteers, maintaining the flow of daters and mixers, coordinate the sponsors and the swag bags, and help get all guests out of the venue by a predetermined timeframe… all while rocking a beautiful orange mini-dress and 4in black suede Mary Janes by Jessica Simpson. Talk about being on my game! The night had its up and downs, but in the words of B. Scott it was a “TRULY EPIC EVENT”. I was exhausted but completely pumped about how well the event had gone! All totaled up, we had over 300 people attend with nearly 150 flow daters. I am told now that we made over 150 matches as a result of The Quarterly and I’m anxious to hear about if any genuine relationships blossom from that number. It was bittersweet driving back to home from New York. The Quarterly was finally over and I received a lot of positive feedback. I sat in my bed on the Monday afterwards and for the first time since forever I felt a sense of purpose. Like I was able to shine at something that felt interesting, dynamic, and fast pace enough to hold my attention and utilize a lot of my natural talents. I pray that this takes off because I would gladly walk away from my current career path as OneDegreeFromMe moves upward.

Check the video @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpyQh93c8A8 

I thought about what I would say if ever interviewed about my work with Paul, Brandon, and the OneDegreeFromMe team… what would I say? Of course me being the dreamer and visionary that I am (again, patting myself on the back, lol), I have prepared a little something just in case:

"Working with Paul Carrick Brunson and Brandon Scott has been amazing! As a member of OneDegreeFromMe, I am excited about the opportunities to plan and organize these epic Quarterly events throughout the US. While The Quarterly offers an opportunity to educate and entertain our guests, our sole purpose is to bring well deserving people together and foster genuine connections. With the mixture of good music, beautiful people and a positive charged atmosphere, love is closer than you think!"

I’m posting a link to the OneDegreeFromMe website, contact info and some other associated links. See below:

• OneDegreeFromMe website: http://onedegreefrom.me/
• Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/OneDegreeFromMe
• Twitter page: http://twitter.com/onedegreefromme
• Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/OneDegreeFromMe

If you’d like to attend an upcoming Quarterly flow dating event, check out http://www.meetup.com/Quarterly/ for the most up-to-date information!

So that’s my spill… Ms. Mickel has turned herself into an event planner and has jumped on an opportunity to be a promoter, planner, swag bag stuffer, social intern, and socialite! Okay, maybe not a socialite, but who knows. I’m having fun and enjoying the new connections being formed. I will pray for continued success for Mr. Brunson, Mr. Scott, and everyone else taking this trip with me.

I hope you all are grinding for your dreams and not sitting idle while the world passes you by…

Be well,

Mickel

“Sacrificing more than most could imagine, for a life that most can only dream of...” – Mr. Newton

Happy Veterans Day!

"They use words like HONOR, CODE, LOYALTY. They use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. They have neither the time nor the inclination to explain themselves to men who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that they provide, and then questions the manner in which they provide ...it! They would rather you just said "Thank you," and went on your way..."  --paraphrase of Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan R. Jessep in A Few Good Men

An email from Mr. Yinka George: "I think veterans are the closest things we have to warriors.  They dodge bullets, fly aircrafts, captain ships,...etc for very little money and people demonize them instead of the people that sent them to war. They do the things us civilians can't do, go sometimes years without physically seeing their family.  I just think they are remarkable people :-) "

As I read Mr. George's email, all I was a flash of all the men and women in the Armed Forces dressed up as the cast from 300.  My mind works in weird ways.  Huge and humble thank you to the supreme beings that sacrifice themselves to protect our daily freedom. Happy Veterans Day! {yes, i'm late but shouldn't we be thanking them everyday?}

Be Well,
Mickel  :-)

"As we express our gratutude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them" -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Oh No She Didn't!

So I'm a faithful facebook commenter... If the topic is about relationships between black men and black women, I have a tendancy of jumping into a conversation and going hard in facebook comment box.  To be honest a lot of the topics I have posted on this blog are directly from a commenting session initiated on facebook.
So the latest topic originated from the popularity of black women publicly bashing black men on youtube or other mass media.  There is a lady who decided to address the issue by creating her own video that speaks directly to black women.  Check the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFxvirjnfmg&NR=1And
Of course a friend posted the video on his page and asked for opinions.  I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in... You can read the comments and then my take on.

First Comment: "Black men are, or have been, those things. What about all the generations of women who were faithful/loving wives, silently abused, left with a house full ...of children, had to work multiple jobs because her husband was a drunk/addict, took care of his out-of-wedlock children (which meant he was unfaithful), stood beside him while his mistress was throwing their relationship in her face, etc etc etc.WHILE MOST BLACK WOMEN STOOD IN THE BACKGROUND WITHOUT SAYING A WORD."

Second Comment: "What about the music industry that is overpopulated with men disrespecting young black women. So were we supposed to sit back and continually stand behind/beside men who displayed those characteristics? At some point black women were going to speak out about this beyond the hair salons and "girl talks". "

Third Comment: "I truly see these videos as ego boosters fo...r men who may simply be insecure in themselves and what they bring to the table especially if "independent" is seen as negative...what man wouldn't want a woman who can hold down the household should something happen to him, God forbid...or what about someone who doesn't rely on him for the minor things that she can take care of herself...it seems to be a double standard as usual. Men don't want "needy" women but they don't want "independent" ones either...What's the middle ground? "


I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in...

Mickel says:  
No one wants a needy partner but everyone wants to feel needed. No one wants a partner who can do or will do everything by themselves. If that was the case, then you undermined the definition of partnership. The middle ground is partnership and... respect.  I don't view this as an ego boost for men. More like a wake up call for black women (and really anyone) whose complaining... especially if they are complaining about a entire culture of men on a national stage. When you open your mouth and complain about another person and how they did you wrong, you also shed light on what you were willing to accept. "He cheated on me" "He stole from me" "He sexually exploited me" Those are actions that he committed against you. Granted, the man is a jerk and he's emotionally, mentally, physicallly harming you. The next question is what are you doing to stop it and protect yourself. Are staying there with him? Are you raising his other children? Are you still supplying a comfortable little piece of yourself to him? Yes, he's acting like a jerk and trying to walk all over you but that doesn't mean you lie there like doormat.
Historically, we were slaves and our families were torn apart. In later generations, some black men stepped out on their ladies and abandoned their families. Nowadays, some black men act as if they have no home training and no respect.  I think the video is highlighting the way "today's black women" have chosen to respond. Today's Black Women are publicly bashing the entire culture of today's black men based on the bad actions of SOME of these men AND the collective bad behaviors of men in the past. How many of us were dating in the days of slavery? How about the 40s, 50s, and 60s? How are you going judge the level of "do rightness" in a 25-35 year old man based on what somebody's grandfather did 3 decades ago?  Historically, black men couldn't say anything against the worthiness and outstanding actions of black women. They wouldn't have a leg to stand on! Even if a woman did get out of pocket, if she had always held it down then he still wouldn't be able to speak poorly of her. As I said earlier, if you shed light on someone’s bad behavior, you also shed light on yourself.
Last comment, You cannot force an adult woman to get up and exploit herself publicly unless you are literally threatening her life or the life of her family. These adult women (black, white, and everything else) are choosing to these actions. They are choosing to take their clothes off, choosing to be in those videos, and choosing to be viewed and to act that way. They are choosing no good men and then choosing to ride for life (babies and marriage) with these no good men. They are choosing to be the doormat, choosing to go against what they WOULD NORMALLY DO if they were in their right mind. Get some confidence, be accountable, know your worth, and take your power back."


What do you think?

Be well,
Mickel :-)
"Don't be a part of the problem, be a part of the SOLUTION"  -- J. Bytheway

Natural Hair: Beginner's notes

Did you see me in the November issue of Essence Magazine?  Page 68 afro section....

"These sharp sisters embrace their roots with locs, Afros, and braids"
- Essence Magazine: Style File

I nearly passed out when I saw this article.  I don't remember how they got my picture (I probably sent it in, but my memory is like a goldfish...) and I didn't know that they selected it, but I was over the moon when I heard about it.  I'm still signing autographs, if you want one :-)  Anyhow, I was inspired to offer a little more encouragement to any women who are aspiring to go natural (Do it, do it, do it!!)  Just 3 important steps from a lifetime member...

As you persue being natural, it's important that you:

1. Face yourself and embrace your hair as it grows out of your head. No braids, no weave, no cover ups. Wash you hair, put some oil/moisturizer in it, let it dry and then sit in the mirror. Play with your hair, look at your scalp, and acknowledge the power and beauty staring back at you. I've been natural my whole life, but I used to press & blowdry my hair all the time. I stopped cold turkey and wore an afro for 3 months straight. I did this first step and cried like a baby for hours. You are programmed not to like your hair because it's thick, wavy, and/or curly. You are programmed to think that bouncy curls or super straight hair is the only way. You are programmed not to like yourself the way god created you. This step will help with unprogramming you.
2. Get to know the products and the INGREDIENTS you use in your hair. Just because it says "natural", "for curly or wavy hair", "moisturizing", etc does mean you should use it in your hair. Bad: Mineral oil, Sodium lauryl sulfate. Good: WATER, OLIVE OIL, Shea Butter.
3. Develop Confidence, Patience, and the Courage to experiment!

Can you do it?


"Take the kinks out of your mind, not your hair." -Marcus Mosiah Garvey


Be well
Mickel :-)

Take Back Your Power

So I was commenting on a blog entry from one of my favorite blogs French Kissez at http://www.frenchkissez.com/.  Ms. French spoke on her perpetual state of being caught in limbo within her past relationships. Of course the topic struct a nerve with me and I ended up going in on my comment.  I would suggest that you read the FrenchKissez entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child" just to get a feel for my comments below.

My reply to http://www.frenchkissez.com/ entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child":

"I say take your power back. We find ourselves in limbo because we are too afraid of what the man may think or what the man may do IF we step outside of their comfort zones. We are afraid to ask for what we want and be who we are and express ourselves the way we want to because it might make the man uncomfortable or want to leave. I say throw a fit. Get absolutely out of pocket on him IF he deserves it. Say something bold and outlandish. Tell him the absolute truth about yourself and what you think. Let him know when he's annoying you. Tell him you want to get married or move to Arizona or join a rock band. Let him become uncomfortable. Let him leave! OR let him show you how badly he wants to be with you. Men have a way of wanting to fixing things, so watch and evaluate the way he fixes things between you after a thoughtful but difficult conversation. But remaining quiet, not expressing your thoughts/goals/needs or hesitant to express yourself or not standing up for yourself is unfair in so many ways 1) You aren't being yourself 2) That man is unable to evaluate, learn about, and properly care for you the right way because you aren't being yourself 3) You aren't able to evaluate him and/or how he responds to "the real you" 4) He's not a mind reader. Withholding information about your desires and goals ensures that he will never meet your expectations 5) Communication is the foundation to every relationship. It sets the tone to whether you should trust, protect, or respect the person you are trying to communicate with... CLOSED MOUTHS DON'T GET FED.

Not saying I have all the answers, but these are the lessons I've learned. A few great friends taught me about being accountable for the parts that I played in failed relationships. When it came down to it, there was a breakdown in communication and it was easier just to play it safe. Getting out of limbo state is as simple as holding a conversation and making decision. Take your power back!"

~MICKEL.JUSTMICKEL @ NATURALLYECCENTRIC.BLOGSPOT.COM

Do you think I'm right? What's your opinion on relationships in limbo?

Be well, Mickel
"Closed mouths don't get fed."
"You teach people how to treat you by setting your boundaries and enforcing them."

A note about natural

As you persue being natural, it's important that you:
1) face yourself and embrace your hair as it grows out of your head. No braids, no weave, no cover ups. Wash you hair, put some oil/moisturizer in it, let it dry and then sit in ... See Morethe mirror. Play with your hair, look at your scalp, and acknowledge the power and beauty staring back at you. I've been natural my whole life, but I used to press&blowdry my hair. I stopped cold turkey and wore an afro for 3 months straight. I did this first step and cried like a baby for hours. You are programmed not to like your hair because it's thick, wavy, and/or curly. You are programmed to think that bouncy curls or super straight hair is the only way. You are programmed not to like yourself the way god created you. This step will help with unprogramming you.


2) Get to know the products and the INGREDIENTS you use in your hair. Just because it says "natural", "for curly or wavy hair", "moisturizing", etc does mean you should use it in your hair. Bad: Mineral oil, Sodium lauryl sulfate. Good: WATER, OLIVE OIL, Shea Butter.

3) develop Confidence, patience, and the courage to experiment

http://www.tightlycurly.com/


http://www.whatissuitetabu.com/

http://www.newlynatural.com/

http://www.nappturality.com/
 
http://www.youtube.com/ : prettydimples01 and blackonyx
 
It's important to read and watch those tutorials. They help you figure yourself out and inspire you to experiment. Wait and see how confident you will feel and how many women stop and compliment you, once you've found a great routine. So many people make the decision and then step in half heartedly, then wonder why they are unhappy with their hair.

May 2010, here are my thoughts

Umm... so I've been slipping.  A month has past and i've posted nothing.  I know, you can tar and feather me if you'd like.

This entry will be a mixture of what's happening for me as of late.  Let me start out by saying that today is my sister's birthday. So "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sister! I love you and I hate that we are so far apart..."
My sister and I were like a well orchestrated tag team growing up.  Our house was divided, Boys against Girls, and clearly the girls ran the house.  We shared the same room, same toys, and sometimes the same clothes for over 12 years. I looked at her like my little sister shadow for a long time; following me wherever I went. Crying to our mother when I would tell her to leave me and my friends alone. Then I began to take my big sister responsibility to heart, trying to be an example and protector to all of my siblings; especially her. In my eyes, she was like my protege.  She'd be the better version of me. She'd never suffer from low self-esteem, low self worth, low anything... because I taught her the lessons from all my sad stories of adolescent. I wanted her to dodge the small stuff and focus on the bigger picture.  And she did for the most part. She's an college graduate (GO BEARS!!!) with a degree in engineering, she holds two patents for technology being developed by her previous employer, and she's a great dancer and actress. She's moving on the the next big chapter in her life... joining the real world with a new career in Texas. She beat me to California and she's beating me to living in the south. I wonder now if I'm still her hero, if I make her proud and if she loves me like she did when we were younger.

Also, a check in with my experiment in forgiveness. What a difference a gesture can make!  I feel a million times better when facing some of the people I have held grudges towards. And for the people that I'm still working on forgiving, I feel much more confident about offering/receiving forgiveness because of how it has worked for me.

So, the purpose of starting this blog was to create a space for me to share my adventures in artistic expression and my love of things natural. Specifically my natural hair, but other arenas where natural beauty shines.  As of yet, I've done very little of that.  Not a single picture of my oil paintings or newly developing locs.  I'm slipping.  The next few entries will be completely devoted to art or natural hair or natural living.


What's going in your life? What goals or ideas have you been keeping bottled up? What are you going to do about them? What will you accomplish today? This summer? This year? What's holding you back? How do you plan on getting over it and yourself?


Be well,
Mickel

"Closed mouths don't get fed. Think about it!"  --- Mickel
" True beauty lies in imperfection" --- WJ

This thing called Forgiveness?

I was informed that I hadn't written an entry in about a week.  I see that my wonderful followers are actually following me so I cannot disappoint! #shoutout to Ms. Skipper, ever vigilant!

So I'm hearing about this thing called FORGIVENESS... I'm being told that it clears your minds and sets you free.
I'm thinking "Why allow those people to think things are cool? So they can feel better about themselves?"
They say "It's not about them, it's about you. It's about establishing your own boundaries and creating your own peace."
I'm thinking "I'm all for peace of mind and all, but I dont see how me forgiving them helps me.  They should feel bad, guilty even, about being an a$$hole."
They say "Again, it's not about them. And you cannot determine how another person feels."
I make a face  :-(
They say "While you sitting here worried about what they are thinking and doing, you aren't focused on how you think and how you feel.  Worry about yourself.  Change that, stop worrying and live your life."
I started my bitter rebuttal...
But then they say "Let it go. You do not have to be their best friend. You don't have to speak or see that person anymore unless you want to. You decide.  You choose. Don't give one person so much power over you."
I'm listening...
They say "I know your heart, you don't need to carry those great big loads of hurt and pain.  Put the bags down and don't ever pick them back up.  You don't want to be 40yrs and still talking about $hit from your teens and 20s.  I'm sure you would rather grow from those situations rather than muddle around in them."
and because I'm listening, I hear them say...
"Haven't you ever done something you wish you hadn't done? Have you ever hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally? Wouldn't you want to be forgiven?"
(MESSAGE)

Okay... so I'll call it an emotional experiment.  My hypothesis: If I forgive those that hurt me and set firm boundaries for myself, then I should feel better and worry less. I guess it's worth a try, right?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
- Heart of the Matter by India.Arie

Be well....
Mickel

"Every single time I wash my hands of him, I turn around and he is holding the towel"  -- Ms. Skipper