Take Back Your Power

So I was commenting on a blog entry from one of my favorite blogs French Kissez at http://www.frenchkissez.com/.  Ms. French spoke on her perpetual state of being caught in limbo within her past relationships. Of course the topic struct a nerve with me and I ended up going in on my comment.  I would suggest that you read the FrenchKissez entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child" just to get a feel for my comments below.

My reply to http://www.frenchkissez.com/ entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child":

"I say take your power back. We find ourselves in limbo because we are too afraid of what the man may think or what the man may do IF we step outside of their comfort zones. We are afraid to ask for what we want and be who we are and express ourselves the way we want to because it might make the man uncomfortable or want to leave. I say throw a fit. Get absolutely out of pocket on him IF he deserves it. Say something bold and outlandish. Tell him the absolute truth about yourself and what you think. Let him know when he's annoying you. Tell him you want to get married or move to Arizona or join a rock band. Let him become uncomfortable. Let him leave! OR let him show you how badly he wants to be with you. Men have a way of wanting to fixing things, so watch and evaluate the way he fixes things between you after a thoughtful but difficult conversation. But remaining quiet, not expressing your thoughts/goals/needs or hesitant to express yourself or not standing up for yourself is unfair in so many ways 1) You aren't being yourself 2) That man is unable to evaluate, learn about, and properly care for you the right way because you aren't being yourself 3) You aren't able to evaluate him and/or how he responds to "the real you" 4) He's not a mind reader. Withholding information about your desires and goals ensures that he will never meet your expectations 5) Communication is the foundation to every relationship. It sets the tone to whether you should trust, protect, or respect the person you are trying to communicate with... CLOSED MOUTHS DON'T GET FED.

Not saying I have all the answers, but these are the lessons I've learned. A few great friends taught me about being accountable for the parts that I played in failed relationships. When it came down to it, there was a breakdown in communication and it was easier just to play it safe. Getting out of limbo state is as simple as holding a conversation and making decision. Take your power back!"

~MICKEL.JUSTMICKEL @ NATURALLYECCENTRIC.BLOGSPOT.COM

Do you think I'm right? What's your opinion on relationships in limbo?

Be well, Mickel
"Closed mouths don't get fed."
"You teach people how to treat you by setting your boundaries and enforcing them."

May 2010, here are my thoughts

Umm... so I've been slipping.  A month has past and i've posted nothing.  I know, you can tar and feather me if you'd like.

This entry will be a mixture of what's happening for me as of late.  Let me start out by saying that today is my sister's birthday. So "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sister! I love you and I hate that we are so far apart..."
My sister and I were like a well orchestrated tag team growing up.  Our house was divided, Boys against Girls, and clearly the girls ran the house.  We shared the same room, same toys, and sometimes the same clothes for over 12 years. I looked at her like my little sister shadow for a long time; following me wherever I went. Crying to our mother when I would tell her to leave me and my friends alone. Then I began to take my big sister responsibility to heart, trying to be an example and protector to all of my siblings; especially her. In my eyes, she was like my protege.  She'd be the better version of me. She'd never suffer from low self-esteem, low self worth, low anything... because I taught her the lessons from all my sad stories of adolescent. I wanted her to dodge the small stuff and focus on the bigger picture.  And she did for the most part. She's an college graduate (GO BEARS!!!) with a degree in engineering, she holds two patents for technology being developed by her previous employer, and she's a great dancer and actress. She's moving on the the next big chapter in her life... joining the real world with a new career in Texas. She beat me to California and she's beating me to living in the south. I wonder now if I'm still her hero, if I make her proud and if she loves me like she did when we were younger.

Also, a check in with my experiment in forgiveness. What a difference a gesture can make!  I feel a million times better when facing some of the people I have held grudges towards. And for the people that I'm still working on forgiving, I feel much more confident about offering/receiving forgiveness because of how it has worked for me.

So, the purpose of starting this blog was to create a space for me to share my adventures in artistic expression and my love of things natural. Specifically my natural hair, but other arenas where natural beauty shines.  As of yet, I've done very little of that.  Not a single picture of my oil paintings or newly developing locs.  I'm slipping.  The next few entries will be completely devoted to art or natural hair or natural living.


What's going in your life? What goals or ideas have you been keeping bottled up? What are you going to do about them? What will you accomplish today? This summer? This year? What's holding you back? How do you plan on getting over it and yourself?


Be well,
Mickel

"Closed mouths don't get fed. Think about it!"  --- Mickel
" True beauty lies in imperfection" --- WJ