So I was commenting on a blog entry from one of my favorite blogs French Kissez at http://www.frenchkissez.com/. Ms. French spoke on her perpetual state of being caught in limbo within her past relationships. Of course the topic struct a nerve with me and I ended up going in on my comment. I would suggest that you read the FrenchKissez entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child" just to get a feel for my comments below.
My reply to http://www.frenchkissez.com/ entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child":
"I say take your power back. We find ourselves in limbo because we are too afraid of what the man may think or what the man may do IF we step outside of their comfort zones. We are afraid to ask for what we want and be who we are and express ourselves the way we want to because it might make the man uncomfortable or want to leave. I say throw a fit. Get absolutely out of pocket on him IF he deserves it. Say something bold and outlandish. Tell him the absolute truth about yourself and what you think. Let him know when he's annoying you. Tell him you want to get married or move to Arizona or join a rock band. Let him become uncomfortable. Let him leave! OR let him show you how badly he wants to be with you. Men have a way of wanting to fixing things, so watch and evaluate the way he fixes things between you after a thoughtful but difficult conversation. But remaining quiet, not expressing your thoughts/goals/needs or hesitant to express yourself or not standing up for yourself is unfair in so many ways 1) You aren't being yourself 2) That man is unable to evaluate, learn about, and properly care for you the right way because you aren't being yourself 3) You aren't able to evaluate him and/or how he responds to "the real you" 4) He's not a mind reader. Withholding information about your desires and goals ensures that he will never meet your expectations 5) Communication is the foundation to every relationship. It sets the tone to whether you should trust, protect, or respect the person you are trying to communicate with... CLOSED MOUTHS DON'T GET FED.
Not saying I have all the answers, but these are the lessons I've learned. A few great friends taught me about being accountable for the parts that I played in failed relationships. When it came down to it, there was a breakdown in communication and it was easier just to play it safe. Getting out of limbo state is as simple as holding a conversation and making decision. Take your power back!"
~MICKEL.JUSTMICKEL @ NATURALLYECCENTRIC.BLOGSPOT.COMDo you think I'm right? What's your opinion on relationships in limbo?
Be well, Mickel
"Closed mouths don't get fed."
"You teach people how to treat you by setting your boundaries and enforcing them."
Definitely my favorite comment on that post.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, you definitely can't feed a closed mouth... I may make myself look a little crazy in the process, but I guess that's his decision to stay or go. I actually have been pretty vocal about what I want this time. I'm just not sure that what HE wants is aligned. I need him to be a little more vocal too. His actions don't always mimic his words anyway. My dilemma is figuring out which one is telling the truth!
It is important that you and he are on the same page. That takes constant and thoughtful communication. It doesnt hurt to simply ask him about he wants. And not just what he wants in terms of a relationship with you, but what he wants from life in general. What are his goals? Where does he see himself short term and long term? I say if his goals and outlook varies too drastically from your own, you may want to re-evaluate your commitments to him. And i would seriously cautious against making your goals sync into his.
ReplyDeleteWhile you may be very vocal and proud of your openess/vulnerability, remember that you arent dating yourself. Your ability to open up may be stopping you from listening (really listening) and observing the man you admire.
Logically evaluate his words and actions. If he's serious about persuing you, he will offer few excuses and work his damn ass off to eliminate your doubts. Your job is to maintain yourself and your integrity, be accountable for your words and actions, be womanly and appreciative, and have fun while there ia fun to be had. If his words and actions do not align, then that is a giant RED FLAG. You should be acting on the whichever form of expression tells you that he's not the one and he's not fully invested. That's the one you shouldn't sit on your hands and pretend like it's going to get better on its own. You owe it to yourself to get yourself out of limbo and into a state of clarity. Why waste your best gifts on someone who sort of likes you and might want to commit to you? Think about it. You should always get a return on your investment.
Everyone desires and is completely entitled to HAPPINESS. Happy people are the most attractive and most fulfilled. Are you happy with yourself?
Im not always happy with myself so Im learning to change my way of thinking.... do things, no matter how uncomfortable, to maintain and grow my self image. Self assessment, self respect, accountability, and happiness = power.
(stepping off my soap box)
touche. amen. #thatisall
ReplyDelete