Happy Veterans Day!

"They use words like HONOR, CODE, LOYALTY. They use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. They have neither the time nor the inclination to explain themselves to men who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that they provide, and then questions the manner in which they provide ...it! They would rather you just said "Thank you," and went on your way..."  --paraphrase of Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan R. Jessep in A Few Good Men

An email from Mr. Yinka George: "I think veterans are the closest things we have to warriors.  They dodge bullets, fly aircrafts, captain ships,...etc for very little money and people demonize them instead of the people that sent them to war. They do the things us civilians can't do, go sometimes years without physically seeing their family.  I just think they are remarkable people :-) "

As I read Mr. George's email, all I was a flash of all the men and women in the Armed Forces dressed up as the cast from 300.  My mind works in weird ways.  Huge and humble thank you to the supreme beings that sacrifice themselves to protect our daily freedom. Happy Veterans Day! {yes, i'm late but shouldn't we be thanking them everyday?}

Be Well,
Mickel  :-)

"As we express our gratutude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them" -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Oh No She Didn't!

So I'm a faithful facebook commenter... If the topic is about relationships between black men and black women, I have a tendancy of jumping into a conversation and going hard in facebook comment box.  To be honest a lot of the topics I have posted on this blog are directly from a commenting session initiated on facebook.
So the latest topic originated from the popularity of black women publicly bashing black men on youtube or other mass media.  There is a lady who decided to address the issue by creating her own video that speaks directly to black women.  Check the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFxvirjnfmg&NR=1And
Of course a friend posted the video on his page and asked for opinions.  I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in... You can read the comments and then my take on.

First Comment: "Black men are, or have been, those things. What about all the generations of women who were faithful/loving wives, silently abused, left with a house full ...of children, had to work multiple jobs because her husband was a drunk/addict, took care of his out-of-wedlock children (which meant he was unfaithful), stood beside him while his mistress was throwing their relationship in her face, etc etc etc.WHILE MOST BLACK WOMEN STOOD IN THE BACKGROUND WITHOUT SAYING A WORD."

Second Comment: "What about the music industry that is overpopulated with men disrespecting young black women. So were we supposed to sit back and continually stand behind/beside men who displayed those characteristics? At some point black women were going to speak out about this beyond the hair salons and "girl talks". "

Third Comment: "I truly see these videos as ego boosters fo...r men who may simply be insecure in themselves and what they bring to the table especially if "independent" is seen as negative...what man wouldn't want a woman who can hold down the household should something happen to him, God forbid...or what about someone who doesn't rely on him for the minor things that she can take care of herself...it seems to be a double standard as usual. Men don't want "needy" women but they don't want "independent" ones either...What's the middle ground? "


I initially left a small message expressing my approval, but then after reading some of the comments by other women. I felt the need to go in...

Mickel says:  
No one wants a needy partner but everyone wants to feel needed. No one wants a partner who can do or will do everything by themselves. If that was the case, then you undermined the definition of partnership. The middle ground is partnership and... respect.  I don't view this as an ego boost for men. More like a wake up call for black women (and really anyone) whose complaining... especially if they are complaining about a entire culture of men on a national stage. When you open your mouth and complain about another person and how they did you wrong, you also shed light on what you were willing to accept. "He cheated on me" "He stole from me" "He sexually exploited me" Those are actions that he committed against you. Granted, the man is a jerk and he's emotionally, mentally, physicallly harming you. The next question is what are you doing to stop it and protect yourself. Are staying there with him? Are you raising his other children? Are you still supplying a comfortable little piece of yourself to him? Yes, he's acting like a jerk and trying to walk all over you but that doesn't mean you lie there like doormat.
Historically, we were slaves and our families were torn apart. In later generations, some black men stepped out on their ladies and abandoned their families. Nowadays, some black men act as if they have no home training and no respect.  I think the video is highlighting the way "today's black women" have chosen to respond. Today's Black Women are publicly bashing the entire culture of today's black men based on the bad actions of SOME of these men AND the collective bad behaviors of men in the past. How many of us were dating in the days of slavery? How about the 40s, 50s, and 60s? How are you going judge the level of "do rightness" in a 25-35 year old man based on what somebody's grandfather did 3 decades ago?  Historically, black men couldn't say anything against the worthiness and outstanding actions of black women. They wouldn't have a leg to stand on! Even if a woman did get out of pocket, if she had always held it down then he still wouldn't be able to speak poorly of her. As I said earlier, if you shed light on someone’s bad behavior, you also shed light on yourself.
Last comment, You cannot force an adult woman to get up and exploit herself publicly unless you are literally threatening her life or the life of her family. These adult women (black, white, and everything else) are choosing to these actions. They are choosing to take their clothes off, choosing to be in those videos, and choosing to be viewed and to act that way. They are choosing no good men and then choosing to ride for life (babies and marriage) with these no good men. They are choosing to be the doormat, choosing to go against what they WOULD NORMALLY DO if they were in their right mind. Get some confidence, be accountable, know your worth, and take your power back."


What do you think?

Be well,
Mickel :-)
"Don't be a part of the problem, be a part of the SOLUTION"  -- J. Bytheway

Natural Hair: Beginner's notes

Did you see me in the November issue of Essence Magazine?  Page 68 afro section....

"These sharp sisters embrace their roots with locs, Afros, and braids"
- Essence Magazine: Style File

I nearly passed out when I saw this article.  I don't remember how they got my picture (I probably sent it in, but my memory is like a goldfish...) and I didn't know that they selected it, but I was over the moon when I heard about it.  I'm still signing autographs, if you want one :-)  Anyhow, I was inspired to offer a little more encouragement to any women who are aspiring to go natural (Do it, do it, do it!!)  Just 3 important steps from a lifetime member...

As you persue being natural, it's important that you:

1. Face yourself and embrace your hair as it grows out of your head. No braids, no weave, no cover ups. Wash you hair, put some oil/moisturizer in it, let it dry and then sit in the mirror. Play with your hair, look at your scalp, and acknowledge the power and beauty staring back at you. I've been natural my whole life, but I used to press & blowdry my hair all the time. I stopped cold turkey and wore an afro for 3 months straight. I did this first step and cried like a baby for hours. You are programmed not to like your hair because it's thick, wavy, and/or curly. You are programmed to think that bouncy curls or super straight hair is the only way. You are programmed not to like yourself the way god created you. This step will help with unprogramming you.
2. Get to know the products and the INGREDIENTS you use in your hair. Just because it says "natural", "for curly or wavy hair", "moisturizing", etc does mean you should use it in your hair. Bad: Mineral oil, Sodium lauryl sulfate. Good: WATER, OLIVE OIL, Shea Butter.
3. Develop Confidence, Patience, and the Courage to experiment!

Can you do it?


"Take the kinks out of your mind, not your hair." -Marcus Mosiah Garvey


Be well
Mickel :-)

Take Back Your Power

So I was commenting on a blog entry from one of my favorite blogs French Kissez at http://www.frenchkissez.com/.  Ms. French spoke on her perpetual state of being caught in limbo within her past relationships. Of course the topic struct a nerve with me and I ended up going in on my comment.  I would suggest that you read the FrenchKissez entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child" just to get a feel for my comments below.

My reply to http://www.frenchkissez.com/ entry titled "Limbo is a Game I Played as a Child":

"I say take your power back. We find ourselves in limbo because we are too afraid of what the man may think or what the man may do IF we step outside of their comfort zones. We are afraid to ask for what we want and be who we are and express ourselves the way we want to because it might make the man uncomfortable or want to leave. I say throw a fit. Get absolutely out of pocket on him IF he deserves it. Say something bold and outlandish. Tell him the absolute truth about yourself and what you think. Let him know when he's annoying you. Tell him you want to get married or move to Arizona or join a rock band. Let him become uncomfortable. Let him leave! OR let him show you how badly he wants to be with you. Men have a way of wanting to fixing things, so watch and evaluate the way he fixes things between you after a thoughtful but difficult conversation. But remaining quiet, not expressing your thoughts/goals/needs or hesitant to express yourself or not standing up for yourself is unfair in so many ways 1) You aren't being yourself 2) That man is unable to evaluate, learn about, and properly care for you the right way because you aren't being yourself 3) You aren't able to evaluate him and/or how he responds to "the real you" 4) He's not a mind reader. Withholding information about your desires and goals ensures that he will never meet your expectations 5) Communication is the foundation to every relationship. It sets the tone to whether you should trust, protect, or respect the person you are trying to communicate with... CLOSED MOUTHS DON'T GET FED.

Not saying I have all the answers, but these are the lessons I've learned. A few great friends taught me about being accountable for the parts that I played in failed relationships. When it came down to it, there was a breakdown in communication and it was easier just to play it safe. Getting out of limbo state is as simple as holding a conversation and making decision. Take your power back!"

~MICKEL.JUSTMICKEL @ NATURALLYECCENTRIC.BLOGSPOT.COM

Do you think I'm right? What's your opinion on relationships in limbo?

Be well, Mickel
"Closed mouths don't get fed."
"You teach people how to treat you by setting your boundaries and enforcing them."

A note about natural

As you persue being natural, it's important that you:
1) face yourself and embrace your hair as it grows out of your head. No braids, no weave, no cover ups. Wash you hair, put some oil/moisturizer in it, let it dry and then sit in ... See Morethe mirror. Play with your hair, look at your scalp, and acknowledge the power and beauty staring back at you. I've been natural my whole life, but I used to press&blowdry my hair. I stopped cold turkey and wore an afro for 3 months straight. I did this first step and cried like a baby for hours. You are programmed not to like your hair because it's thick, wavy, and/or curly. You are programmed to think that bouncy curls or super straight hair is the only way. You are programmed not to like yourself the way god created you. This step will help with unprogramming you.


2) Get to know the products and the INGREDIENTS you use in your hair. Just because it says "natural", "for curly or wavy hair", "moisturizing", etc does mean you should use it in your hair. Bad: Mineral oil, Sodium lauryl sulfate. Good: WATER, OLIVE OIL, Shea Butter.

3) develop Confidence, patience, and the courage to experiment

http://www.tightlycurly.com/


http://www.whatissuitetabu.com/

http://www.newlynatural.com/

http://www.nappturality.com/
 
http://www.youtube.com/ : prettydimples01 and blackonyx
 
It's important to read and watch those tutorials. They help you figure yourself out and inspire you to experiment. Wait and see how confident you will feel and how many women stop and compliment you, once you've found a great routine. So many people make the decision and then step in half heartedly, then wonder why they are unhappy with their hair.

May 2010, here are my thoughts

Umm... so I've been slipping.  A month has past and i've posted nothing.  I know, you can tar and feather me if you'd like.

This entry will be a mixture of what's happening for me as of late.  Let me start out by saying that today is my sister's birthday. So "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sister! I love you and I hate that we are so far apart..."
My sister and I were like a well orchestrated tag team growing up.  Our house was divided, Boys against Girls, and clearly the girls ran the house.  We shared the same room, same toys, and sometimes the same clothes for over 12 years. I looked at her like my little sister shadow for a long time; following me wherever I went. Crying to our mother when I would tell her to leave me and my friends alone. Then I began to take my big sister responsibility to heart, trying to be an example and protector to all of my siblings; especially her. In my eyes, she was like my protege.  She'd be the better version of me. She'd never suffer from low self-esteem, low self worth, low anything... because I taught her the lessons from all my sad stories of adolescent. I wanted her to dodge the small stuff and focus on the bigger picture.  And she did for the most part. She's an college graduate (GO BEARS!!!) with a degree in engineering, she holds two patents for technology being developed by her previous employer, and she's a great dancer and actress. She's moving on the the next big chapter in her life... joining the real world with a new career in Texas. She beat me to California and she's beating me to living in the south. I wonder now if I'm still her hero, if I make her proud and if she loves me like she did when we were younger.

Also, a check in with my experiment in forgiveness. What a difference a gesture can make!  I feel a million times better when facing some of the people I have held grudges towards. And for the people that I'm still working on forgiving, I feel much more confident about offering/receiving forgiveness because of how it has worked for me.

So, the purpose of starting this blog was to create a space for me to share my adventures in artistic expression and my love of things natural. Specifically my natural hair, but other arenas where natural beauty shines.  As of yet, I've done very little of that.  Not a single picture of my oil paintings or newly developing locs.  I'm slipping.  The next few entries will be completely devoted to art or natural hair or natural living.


What's going in your life? What goals or ideas have you been keeping bottled up? What are you going to do about them? What will you accomplish today? This summer? This year? What's holding you back? How do you plan on getting over it and yourself?


Be well,
Mickel

"Closed mouths don't get fed. Think about it!"  --- Mickel
" True beauty lies in imperfection" --- WJ

This thing called Forgiveness?

I was informed that I hadn't written an entry in about a week.  I see that my wonderful followers are actually following me so I cannot disappoint! #shoutout to Ms. Skipper, ever vigilant!

So I'm hearing about this thing called FORGIVENESS... I'm being told that it clears your minds and sets you free.
I'm thinking "Why allow those people to think things are cool? So they can feel better about themselves?"
They say "It's not about them, it's about you. It's about establishing your own boundaries and creating your own peace."
I'm thinking "I'm all for peace of mind and all, but I dont see how me forgiving them helps me.  They should feel bad, guilty even, about being an a$$hole."
They say "Again, it's not about them. And you cannot determine how another person feels."
I make a face  :-(
They say "While you sitting here worried about what they are thinking and doing, you aren't focused on how you think and how you feel.  Worry about yourself.  Change that, stop worrying and live your life."
I started my bitter rebuttal...
But then they say "Let it go. You do not have to be their best friend. You don't have to speak or see that person anymore unless you want to. You decide.  You choose. Don't give one person so much power over you."
I'm listening...
They say "I know your heart, you don't need to carry those great big loads of hurt and pain.  Put the bags down and don't ever pick them back up.  You don't want to be 40yrs and still talking about $hit from your teens and 20s.  I'm sure you would rather grow from those situations rather than muddle around in them."
and because I'm listening, I hear them say...
"Haven't you ever done something you wish you hadn't done? Have you ever hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally? Wouldn't you want to be forgiven?"
(MESSAGE)

Okay... so I'll call it an emotional experiment.  My hypothesis: If I forgive those that hurt me and set firm boundaries for myself, then I should feel better and worry less. I guess it's worth a try, right?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
- Heart of the Matter by India.Arie

Be well....
Mickel

"Every single time I wash my hands of him, I turn around and he is holding the towel"  -- Ms. Skipper

Project Clean Stream 2010

The MSU Scuba Club along with the Charm City Scuba Club participated in the clean up of the Herring Run on April 10, 2010. We helped the local community participate in cleaning up the local portion of the river. Trash in the stream makes it way in to the Chesapeake Bay and harms the animals that use the waterway.

We worked for about 3-4 hours picking up everything from old bottles and plastic bags to bicycles and mattresses. You would be appalled by the reckless way people discard unwanted items. Project Clean Stream was introduced and organized by Ashley Traut.

I invited my friend, colleague, sister in engineering Annie (in the grey hoodie) to volunteer with me this day. She’s an awesome person and I wanted to expose her to some of the individuals who not only do great work at Morgan State Univ, but do great work within the surrounding community.

It was a beautiful day to be out in sun and I’m glad I had an opportunity to help the environment by working alongside my friends and mentor, Mr Jon Parker.

Mickel

Don't blow it - good planets are hard to find. ~Quoted in Time

Can I get a window seat?

So this morning, I had a little hot topic running through my head.
Erykah Badu's new single "Window Seat". I am a huge Badu fan and I enjoy listening to this song. I've read all of the men commenting on how hot the video is and that E.B is finally back. (Rolling my eyes) Apart from Ms. Badu revealing herself and then being assassinated... The video was alright. But then again I LOVE Erykah and her out of the box way of performing just makes sense to me. So I guess I'm a bit bias. I wonder if those same men paid any attention to the lyrics of the song... Lol anyhow my bff Ms. Skipper didn't appreciate the JFK-esque assassination or the nudity. Were you offended? What do you think of the vid?
>>> Just in <<< I'm hearing that the city of Dallas is considering pressing charges against Ms. Badu for indecent exposure. I suppose she can claim that it's a work of art protected by the first amendment. And of course, I'm on her side...

Mickel

"Blame it on my head and not my heart..."

So let me just dive right in...

I've been dragging my feet, contemplating what I was going to write as my first entry for this blog. I wanted to create a refreshing piece of internet literature that would stimulate interest or get a few laughs. I'm worried like.. am I interesting enough to write a blog? I can barely excute a joke in person, how am I going to make someone laugh through these typed words? My typed words!? But I've been doing a little research on my favorite bloggers (http://frenchkissez.wordpress.com/ and http://people-places-things.blogspot.com/) and those ladies just message about whatever comes to mind. I can do that right? I mean, at any given time, I have a million things run through my head... like what I need to do at work, what's going on with my family and friends, my plans for the weekend, groceries, what's for dinner, dating, goals for the future, my hair... the list goes on and on...

So let me just dive right in... I came up with Naturally Eccentric because I wanted my blog to be literal expression of my personality. I take pride in my natural-since-birth-never-been-permed appearance and my simple what-you-see-is-what-you-get mentality.  I'm naturally sensitive, funny, friendly, and all that jazz... Now the Eccentric part speaks to my love of various forms of music/creative media, bold colors, funky jewelry, geeky engineering stuff... I like to shop at local thrift stores, catch an occasional open mic or $4 movie, and recently began taking courses in painting...

Since I'm sitting at work, I will turn my attention back to the files on my desk.  I think this was a decent first entry (high five for dipping my toe into the  blogger pool!)  I am challenging myself to write something, anything, up here at least twice a week.  With time, I may just get the hang of it...

Be well!
Mickel

"I have been continuously digesting the notion of just being myself is good enough. In recent months, that valuable life lesson has brought me a new sense of confidence and peace."